Let’s Talk, no. 1; 36″ x 112″; oil & collage on canvas
Lately I’ve been scaring myself when I am painting. This has happened periodically before but this time I don’t want to back away from what is frightening to me. My work has undergone changes, rearrangements, and rerouting continually over the years and especially in the past few months. If I look back to the beginning of the year and try to see a direction, the current situation is near unrecognizable. Which breakthroughs do I trust enough to act on, stay with? What am I trying to learn? What has revolutionized in my life? I really can’t put it into words; maybe that’s why I paint.
The less I try to go back to old patterns, the more sense this situation makes. It doesn’t always mean it gets easier to manage, but it gets more interesting to be a part of and the more I want to continue to explore.
It seems I need to pay curious attention to what feels hard to pinpoint. I hope to develop a deeper understanding of these areas of life that are insisting themselves into my paintings. Fear is less of an issue, has less power, as I get older because the end is closer. So I feel more willing to take chances, face fear down.
Recently, I visited some people who own a painting I had done several years ago. At the time I did the piece, I felt somewhat unsettled about the work but someone wanted it and to this day they enjoy having it. Having not seen it for quite a while, I saw the painting as closer to what I am doing now. There is a certain energy shift I want to expose and play up. Probably the comment that my paintings are more talkative, is the most accurate statement I can use to explain what’s happening.