Tamar posted on her Facebook site a list of obituaries that have appeared so far and also a photo of herself with her dad when she was about six years old. When I saw it, to my surprise, tears came to my eyes and into my heart. She has mentioned to me that I seem much softer regarding him since he died. I know it is true and I wonder why. Maybe because it is safe now: he can’t cause any more harm. It feels as if a big weight has been lifted. So I am now able to appreciate his good qualities, remembering some good times, things we shared, and there were many. It’s a much nicer feeling than the dread his name could invoke. And on top of that, I’ve been looking at his face in my paintings everyday. His vulnerability is evident in the photographs I’ve chosen.
But then, I have been a bit sappy lately, crying when I hear happy stories on the radio, sad ones from people, reading about events and such, all feels tender and important. It’s nice, growing older.